The Wicked Adventures of Harry Potter and Tork
by Everyone's Favorite Relatives
Summary: Sequel to the Wicked Adventures of Harry Potter and Trife. Crackfic. Trife has a brother...


A/N: We got really, really bored…again.

Disclaimer: We don't own _Wicked _or _Harry Potter._

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Harry Potter, after losing all of his money, came home drenched in blood, telling Ginny that his talking knife named Trife told him to kill all of those people. Because of this, Ginny divorced him.

Now Harry was staying at his old friend Hermione's house. He would he have stayed with Ron, but he was living in a cardboard box. And besides, things were a little awkward after Ron had killed Harry's kids and everything (Hermione had divorced Ron after the whole murdering of his best friend's kids thing). He knew he had hit rock bottom.

Plus Ron had wizard lice and that was one thing Harry did not need on top of everything. Clubbing works great as a treatment, but it's not fun when you club yourself.

All of this trouble began with that knife Trife, which Harry had wisely slipped in Ginny's purse the day before they divorced. She was found dead, her throat mysteriously slit. Well, now Trife was finally out of his life.

But Harry still needed a job so he could get money. Well, actually it was either get a job or listen to Hermione (aka the most annoying being in the universe, in his opinion) nag him to get a job constantly.

He actually got a normal 9 to 5 job, but was fired shortly after. The reason was he had gotten so angry with a customer and did a killing curse that killed half of England.

Next he tried trying out as Fiyero in _Wicked_ but found out he had the "acting and singing ability a little worse than a potato named Fred," All members of _Wicked_ were found dead the next day.

Finally, he decided he would become a thief. This was the first "job" that worked out. He actually got enough money to move out of Hermione's house, which Harry considered the happiest day of his life. He bought his very own apartment in the Emerald City.

Now one day while he was robbing his neighbors (a strange girl named Fae lived here, whom he had never seen the face of, and her rich boyfriend, a kind man named Fiyero), he wondered upon an odd looking spoon…_wait, no, a fork…no, a spoon…_

While Harry pondered the thought the object suddenly shouted, "I'M A SPORK, YOU STUPID SON OF A BANSHEE! And not just any Spork; the name's Tork. By the way, I can talk, which is kind of obvious, and read minds."

"And let me guess: you want to go murder some _Wicked _characters?"

"Correct."

Harry sighed.

"Well, who is it?" asked harry

Tork answered. "The Witches of Oz: Nessarose Thropp, Galinda Upland, and Elphaba Thropp."

"Okay," Harry replied. "Three things. One: Trife and I already killed the Thropp sisters. Two: Galinda changed her name to Glinda a long time ago. Three: isn't there a fourth witch called Tootypoo or something?"

"Ok, three things for _you_," Tork retorted. "One: tell Trife I said hi. He's my brother. Two: last night when you went to bed I reversed time. Three: nobody cares about Tootypoo or whatever her name is. And also, today is actually the day Ron kills you kids."

"Wait, then that means I can stop him and never go on an adventure with Trife and my life will be better than ever?"

"No, you won't, because I told you that you need to kill the witches.

"Why should I?"

"Because you are in Elphaba's apartment and she's coming home in about five minutes and if you don't hide and attack her like a ninja she will kill you."

The door knob began to turn, and Harry was hidden in a closet about two seconds later like in every single movie with a door knob that slowly turns.

He waited until Fiyero and Elphaba were asleep (he thanked God this wasn't one of the nights described in the book) when he crept out of the closet, then scooped out Elphaba's tongue, blood going everywhere. Next came her eyes, and she was screaming like bloody murder. And then, finally, came her heart, and her life ceased. When Fiyero woke up, Harry repeated the same killing method with him. _One witch down, two to go, _he thought.

Harry used Elphaba's broomstick to fly to her sister's house. He basically repeated the same killing method as he did with Fiyero and Elphaba.

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"Ok, Glinda just left. Good job, kid," Tork told harry approvingly..

"Thanks. And Glinda should be the easiest. I mean, what is she going to do? Do a toss with her hair?" Harry responded.

"It's actually, 'toss, toss,'".

"What?"

"Galinda doesn't just toss her hair once, she tosses it twice."

"Well, at least I have hair, so ha." Tork cut his finger a bit. "Ouch! Ok enough of this. To Glinda now! But wait, where does she live?"

"She's at school right now."

"But Nessa and Elphaba are in her year and went to school with her, but they weren't in school when we killed them."

"That's because it was the summer, but today is the first day of school. You must be the stupidest wizard alive."

"Have you met my friend Ron?"

"Ok, second stupidest wizard."

"Thank you."

"Ok. To Shiz!" They said that in unison.

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Now that greeny and pinky were gone Glinda had the room all to herself. She smiled.

Oh, she was so hap- tongue scooped, eyes scooped, heart scooped. Blood everywhere, contradicting with the pinkness of the room, screams to go along with it…she was dead.

"There! All three witches are dead now. May I go home now?" Harry said happily.

"Yes, yes, but I'm going to stay here." Tork replied.

"Why?"

"I want to be the first one in my family to go to college or university. I want to do something better than Trife."

"Whatever." "Oh, wait, I have a question. Why did I have to kill the witches?"

"For the amusement of the readers…all two of them."

"Ok. One final question."

"WHAT!?"

"Do you have any more siblings?"

"Yes."

"When will I meet them?"

"Whenever Brett and Ashley get bored again."

And with that Harry flew back to the Emerald City, but he did not go to his little apartment. Instead, he walked right into the throne room of the "Wizard" and killed him in the exact same fashion he killed the witches.

And from that day on, Harry Potter was the new Wizard of Oz.

THE END


End file.
